there's a place out there for you

Life can be hard,
And here's the scoop-
Had to call in sick
Stayin' home, trying to poop.
--Hiawatha Teriyaki

I do love the classics.

corduroy orbison

As the attentive ones on PlanetChip have figured out....I am constipated. In a big way. My poopski is pushing on my bladder so every sip of liquid going in comes out 15 later. In the last 24 hours I have made prolly 40 trips to bathroom. All for a few droplets of whizz. Nothing at all from my Trump. I have been guzzling cranberry juice at Da Younga Sista 's suggestion and eating gummy laxatives. All for naught.

I decided to stop at Walgreens on the way to picking up Erica from work. I grabbed some liquid Dulcolax, some generic stool softener and a Sprite. I plopped them on the counter. There was an older (like in her 70's) woman at the register. "Hello, how are you?" I pointed at my montage of poop paraphernalia and gave her my best Uncle Vic look.

She looked at my goods and said "Oh,crap. Sorry about that" I locked eyes and told her it was not oh crap.....it was NO CRAP. I made an awkward smile and kept my eyes locked with hers. I swiped my card but it did not work. It did not work a second time. With my eyes still locked I said "Jesus will this work? God knows when this is finally gonna blow!!" It tooks 5 inserts of 2 cards to finally get it paid. I was bouncing on my feet a little and groaning. She reached out with receipt. I grabbed and grabbed my butt with that hand. "This is going to be a photo finish" and scurried out the door. I got in my car and laughed until my sides hurt. It was childish and immature, but I never claimed to not be either of those things.

I wonder if she tells her grandpa hubby about the weird guy at work today. I sure hope so.

for the win!

4 blasts so far!

Not the kind of thing one usually celebrates but.....HELL YES!