they said it would pass in time
Apr. 21st, 2024 01:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
somedayseattleApril 20, 2001 I went to bed and everything in my world is normal.
April 21, 2001 at roughly 6:30 AM my phone rang. I didn’t bother getting out of bed mainly because it scared the hell out of me while I was slumbering. The answering machine kicked in and the voice started. “Hey,it’s mom. I just wanted to let you know your father died last night. Call me when you get this“.
My plan for that Saturday was yo do laundry and then go to the convention center to see a seminar type by Alton brown and Tyler Florence. My plans for the day changed and the plan for the rest of my life was changed. Things have not been quite right every since.
Dad, I miss you. I never told you that I love you, respect you and how important you are to me. All I did was acting like a typical teenager and shitty young adult. I will never forgive myself for those days. I wish I had been a better son and then maybe things between us might’ve been better.
It’s been a lifetime since my father died. When he left I was still a long haired punk with nothing good to say to anyone. I never had children and one of the main reasons was I could not bear having a child who treated me as a father the way I treated people. I don’t mean to imply that every moment of my years were awful but I had a me first attitude and didn’t care about helping out other people. It didn’t bother me to throw a pointed barb at anyone if I thought it would get me a laugh. If your feelings got hurt that’s on you. I spent 20 years expelling all of this energy trying to be cool and then the next 40 years trying to make up for it with the people I love.
Jay S Kloss
Big Jay
Grumpy
2/19/42-4/21/2001
April 21, 2001 at roughly 6:30 AM my phone rang. I didn’t bother getting out of bed mainly because it scared the hell out of me while I was slumbering. The answering machine kicked in and the voice started. “Hey,it’s mom. I just wanted to let you know your father died last night. Call me when you get this“.
My plan for that Saturday was yo do laundry and then go to the convention center to see a seminar type by Alton brown and Tyler Florence. My plans for the day changed and the plan for the rest of my life was changed. Things have not been quite right every since.
Dad, I miss you. I never told you that I love you, respect you and how important you are to me. All I did was acting like a typical teenager and shitty young adult. I will never forgive myself for those days. I wish I had been a better son and then maybe things between us might’ve been better.
It’s been a lifetime since my father died. When he left I was still a long haired punk with nothing good to say to anyone. I never had children and one of the main reasons was I could not bear having a child who treated me as a father the way I treated people. I don’t mean to imply that every moment of my years were awful but I had a me first attitude and didn’t care about helping out other people. It didn’t bother me to throw a pointed barb at anyone if I thought it would get me a laugh. If your feelings got hurt that’s on you. I spent 20 years expelling all of this energy trying to be cool and then the next 40 years trying to make up for it with the people I love.
Jay S Kloss
Big Jay
Grumpy
2/19/42-4/21/2001
no subject
Date: 2024-04-21 05:59 pm (UTC)