a pile of rocks
I started rehab at the spinal cord injury center on November 31. My first therapy session was with Carlin. I had absolutely no experience in being a cripple. He literally lifted me off the bed and put me in a wheelchair. I will never forget that. Carlin is a great guy. AnyWho, when I hit rehab I was in a very, very dark place. I was bitter and angry. Especially at the insurance company who let me sit in general population for nine days as they pounded out the details of rehab. In general population you get a visit from a nurse every couple hours. That’s it. Don’t get up, don’t move around, just lay there. Nine goddamn days of just laying there watching TV. Pondering my future as a guy whose legs don’t work.
As previously touched upon, the rehab center employees saved my life. I was never suicidal but I didn’t have a very cheery outlook either. I was explaining all of this to one of the random mental health people who came in early in my stay. She had plenty of well constructed words for what came across as robotic and pre-scripted. I told her I felt hopeless. She said I could be a para-scholar. A para-athlete. A para-student. A para-inspiration. Pick out several words and drop “para” in front of them. As you all know one thing I vehemently despise is soft language. I told the woman simply dropping that prefix on a word doesn’t change my outlook in life. I was none of those things beforehand so why would I be them now. She said there’s a world of opportunity for wheelchair people. She acted as if i had been given a gift and should be thrilled to be paralyzed. Yeah? I can’t go swimming. I can’t go hiking. I can’t go see live music. I can’t go see J-Nic’s new apartment on the second floor. There is not a world of opportunities for paraplegics. There’s a world of replacements of your previous life. i am not an inspiration for anyone. I am a para-dickhead in a wheelchair. The only difference between my dickhead life today and my dickhead life six months ago is the wheelchair. I think most people would do well with a little more truthfulness and a little less fantasy blowing up their ass in cases like this. Being home is so much a lonelier world than being in a hospital surrounded by people. Things are going to be hard on me mentally moving forward. I still have to deal with disability from the government, food stamps application, the various in-home therapies etc. It’s a para-pain in my ass but it must get done. Perhaps once I get past through the next several weeks I can be the most para-awesome para-fucker you’ve ever para-seen. But most likely I’ll be the same old cranky, whiny asshole you know and `love.
#JoeSwanson #StephenFawking #WheelchairLife #chippled #Ironsides
As previously touched upon, the rehab center employees saved my life. I was never suicidal but I didn’t have a very cheery outlook either. I was explaining all of this to one of the random mental health people who came in early in my stay. She had plenty of well constructed words for what came across as robotic and pre-scripted. I told her I felt hopeless. She said I could be a para-scholar. A para-athlete. A para-student. A para-inspiration. Pick out several words and drop “para” in front of them. As you all know one thing I vehemently despise is soft language. I told the woman simply dropping that prefix on a word doesn’t change my outlook in life. I was none of those things beforehand so why would I be them now. She said there’s a world of opportunity for wheelchair people. She acted as if i had been given a gift and should be thrilled to be paralyzed. Yeah? I can’t go swimming. I can’t go hiking. I can’t go see live music. I can’t go see J-Nic’s new apartment on the second floor. There is not a world of opportunities for paraplegics. There’s a world of replacements of your previous life. i am not an inspiration for anyone. I am a para-dickhead in a wheelchair. The only difference between my dickhead life today and my dickhead life six months ago is the wheelchair. I think most people would do well with a little more truthfulness and a little less fantasy blowing up their ass in cases like this. Being home is so much a lonelier world than being in a hospital surrounded by people. Things are going to be hard on me mentally moving forward. I still have to deal with disability from the government, food stamps application, the various in-home therapies etc. It’s a para-pain in my ass but it must get done. Perhaps once I get past through the next several weeks I can be the most para-awesome para-fucker you’ve ever para-seen. But most likely I’ll be the same old cranky, whiny asshole you know and `love.
#JoeSwanson #StephenFawking #WheelchairLife #chippled #Ironsides