cheetos, fritos and doritos

[somedayseattle]

Last night I was paid a visit by Da Younga Sista and J-Nic. Sista brought over an inflatable air mattress thinking it would help my back issues. With my limited mobility it was very difficult to get on the mattress but ultimately I got a few hours sleep. Trying to shift off the mattress onto the couch this morning was chaos. It took far too long but eventually I made it onto the couch and then up into the walker. It was my first walk of the day after lying sedentary for eight hours. I knew my legs were going to be a little weak. I made it to the bathroom but at least two times in the journey I felt my legs giving out beneath me. I peed, brushed my hair and my teeth. Got back to the walker and headed out. Getting in and out of the bathroom is a little difficult because the walker is 3 inches wider than the door so I have to jimmy it out. That means I have to lift the walker up and stand on my own for a moment. Not an ideal situation when you have nothing left in your legs. Then I have to make two slight turns into the bedroom. When I get in the bedroom it’s a 10 foot straight shot to the other side of the bed. I feel like when I’m walking in a straight line it’s not as bad. I have to make a left at the end of the bed. That means I have to balance on my own while turning the walker. I was literally three steps from where I sit on the bed when my piece of shit leg gave out. Poor Erica could not support me and down I go. Flat on my back. I was able to work my way over to the bed and get on my knees. But I could not push up onto the bed because both of my legs are fucking useless now. With Erica‘s help I eventually made it up. It was embarrassing, sad and pathetic. I can’t believe I have devolved into this in a week. Da Younga and I are going to see the dick doctor tomorrow and afterwards we are heading to the emergency orthopedic center. I have no idea what they’ll say but if they can offer any help I will be grateful. I am usually a pretty positive person but I have a nagging feeling whatever they tell me is not going to be good. Everything that’s happened to me since September 15 has been increasingly worse. I am at the end of my rope. I can’t take this any longer. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of bad news after bad news after bad news. What have I done to deserve all this?